Why is life so bloody annoying?
So often we know what we need to do to live the kind of life we want to live but yet, somehow we can’t quite motivate ourselves enough to go for them fully?
Or is it just me?
So here’s the thing.
2018 is fast approaching and I have spent the last 6 months working on a new area of work to launch in January.
It’s new. Its scary…but mostly it is exciting….because I know it is a game changer for me.
I’ve piloted it with 20 women over the past 12 weeks to make sure it does what it’s supposed to do. I’ve got feedback so that I can improve it, and this time round I’ve actually invested some time, money and effort in building the programme properly, rather than winging it like I have done in the past.
This programme is good, its bloody good…so good in fact that I am sitting here too scared to actually tell people about it.
What is that about?
It is not like I am having to jump into a tank of sharks, or worse still have to stand on a street corner attempting to sell timeshares to complete strangers…all I have to do is write about the programme, share it with women who already know and respect me and perhaps initiate some conversations with people who might be interested.
Because, guess what?
I have resistence…a whole heap of the stuff, to the point that I’d rather just forget the whole thing and go back a few steps in my life, back to where it’s comfortable and easy.
Recognise these feelings?
Resistence is not futile my friends, that is such a silly bloody phrase, especially when it is so hard to spot it in the first place, let along overcome it…it is why the sofa or an extra hour in bed is always so inviting. Pah, who really wants to do yoga at stupid o’clock anyway, and one missed gym class won’t make much difference anyhow.
I have come to realise that resistence is a hard cold fact of everyday life that many of us just have to face up to and then overcome if we really want anything in life to change in any meaningful way.
But what even is it? Come on hit me with the dictionary explanation I hear you say….
Resistance is the refusal to accept or comply with something.
I get it. I really do. All those years of never seeming to get any where with things, yet I could never quite put my finger on what it was…I was more inclined to say
Well, life is just fucking hard thats all
Well, clearly it’s not meant to be.
No Julie, you just resisted doing the work.
All the signs lead towards the action plan needed to get whatever it is we want in life, yet this invisible hard to comprehend force does everything within its power to prevent you from moving forward.
For me it shows up in a whole heap of different ways, pretty much on a daily basis
- Not answering that exciting game changer of an email that came in yesterday
- Going to bed super late (again) the day before an important event
- Not reaching out to the person who offered me help a few weeks back
- Watching Daytime TV instead of sitting at my computer doing the work
- Only half heartedly doing the training session I scheduled or not showing up at all
- Deciding to create another planning document rather than actually actioning the last one I made
And it’s not just women running businesses who have to deal with this resistence I’d found.
Oh, I’ll do it tomorrow
I’ll come back to that bit when I’ve got a bit more time on my hands
Lets wait until next year to ask him about the pay rise
Who leaves 3 biscuits in a pack anyway, might as well finish them off
Of course I’ll do that for you
Yes I would love to help…no I can cancel the thing I was supposed to do tonight, it wasn’t important
Let me just do the washing up first, then I’m on it
It seems to me that resistence is creating an exhausting fog of apathy with us women, which often comes across as sheer laziness or a lack of engagement, when what it actually is when you really think about it, is pure unadulterated and oh so common fear of success.
Because ladies, if we are successful we would have to admit we were wrong all these years about being totally worthless, and a fraud and I weirdly enjoy spotting the wealth of evidence around me that proves all that that OK, cos come on let’s face it we all need a get out clause for when things get challenging right?
Oh and then there is the other side of resistence I’ve been exploring on my journey recently, it is how we judge others actually doing the work. We see something we want, something that might help us grow, a programme or a book, or an offer of help and before we know it we are looking for excuses as to why that would never work for us.
It’s OK for her she’s pretty and slim and popular
That only works for rich people
I don’t buy into all that spiritual shit
Who does she think she is really?
It won’t work on me
Have you seen how shitty my life is?
This stuff is a minefield, it’s a bloody battle ground.
As humans we have thousands of years of evolution conditioning us to stay where we feel safe, not venturing from our tribe, or trying something new, yet so many of us are desperately seeking adventure or the opportunity to fulfil dreams and desires which we secretly long for in those moments of clarity where fear doesn’t get a look in.
The antidote to resistence though is relatively simple though ladies…you ready for this?
You just need to take inspired action and take it NOW.
Just like me writing this blog despite the enormous fear and procrastinating behaviours I have been displaying this week towards doing it.
You just have to do the bloody thing, even if the negative voices in your head are all consuming….screaming at you to not do it.
Don’t sign up for that marathon you fool, you will kill yourself
Single people don’t go on holiday by themselves, wait until you find someone
Why would you leave this job, they might not think you are any good at a new one
Learning a new skill now, thats stupid…you should have taken up yoga 30 years ago, not now.
If you tell him what you think he will think you are an idiot
It is not like we don’t know the actions we need to take. They pop into our heads at the least welcome of times. And even when we agree to do them, we often find an excuse not to have to think about them right now….convincing ourselves we will do it tomorrow, next week, when it’s less busy at work, when the kids have grown up a bit.
Do the bloody thing.
Take the action.
Send the email.
Write the book.
And when you sit down to make a start, know that resistence will be at it’s strongest.
Boy oh boy will it be out to get you.
But you got this.
Ignore the compelling as hell desire to check your emails, or that urge do something fun on social media, or rearrange your book collection like your life depended on it…because none of these are going to get the thing you actually want.
None of these things, are THE THING!!!
Do the thing.
It’s hard and requires courage.
But do the thing.
Ask yourself now…
Am I doing the thing? Or am I just fart arsing around?
And finally…so that it feels less scary, start convincing yourself that only good can ever come of that action, that it will be the start of a chain of events moving you closer to your goal and remind yourself that even if it doesn’t work out in the end (although it probably will) know that you are resilient enough to deal with any negative consequences of that inspired action anyway.
And just in case you didn’t hear me the first time.
Would love to know what you have resistence to in your life or business and how it plays out for you. Find me on social media and drop me a line, so many of us experience this, yet we often believe it is just us…or worst still we are in denial. Check me out on Instagram, Twitter or LinkedIn
Details of my 2018 Living a Bigger Life Mastermind will be revealed in a few weeks time. If you would like to be sent information by email when it does drop me a line firstname.lastname@example.org