Comparisonitus is a BITCH.
There I said it.
She’s a cow. She backstabs. She shit stirs. And she makes it her business every damn day to make me feel like shit.
But not perhaps in the way you might think.
If I was to ask you at which percentage do you think you function in your business, how would you answer me? 70%? 80%? Maybe even 100%
But would you be telling me the truth?
In an exercise on Saturday with my business coach she said,
“What’s the point in doing this if you are not doing it 100%?”
And BOOM…like a scene from a film a million memories, examples and stories came flooding into my head about the ways in which I don’t play full out.
In business and in life.
Look, I am a pretty awesome human being. I do exciting and interesting things with my life. I get shit done. I take imperfect action. I am what some might consider a high achiever.
BUT…here we go…
In comparison to what? In comparison to whom? Where are the levels, the markers, the people judging my productivity levels?
Because here’s the honest truth.
I am not playing full out.
If I am being super honest I reckon I am playing at like 20% of my capacity, maybe even 10%….what can I say I just have super shiny glittery bullshit, that fools everyone into thinking this is me giving it everything I have.
Because playing full out would leave me vulnerable right?
Now you might be thinking I’m being too hard on myself, and that I do enough, and maybe even that I am challenging my own enoughness. But here’s the thing…my value as a person is not in the least bit connected with what I do or do not do, to which degree I am playing full out or not…I am 100% enough either way.
But my biggest fear?
I do not want to leave this planet with regret. I do not want to look back and think if only I had the courage. If only I was braver. If only I went for the things I knew could transform my life and the lives around me.
The thing that holds us back though is the fear of judgement.
How will I make others feel as I continue to rise? How will I make people feel if I shine brighter than them? Will people love me if I play full out…or will I hold a mirror up to them and make them feel shitty about their lives?
I know only too well how it feels to be different, to want different things from my siblings, my friends, my peers…to be met by teachers, coaches and advisors who say…”take it down a notch” “think smaller” “be patient” using their understanding of the world and what is possible, rather than listening to my own guidance.
Comparisonitus isn’t just about looking at folks who you deem to have their shit together and questioning your life choices, it’s also about looking at the people in your current environment and questioning if it is safe to step out of the status quo…to reach new levels of awareness, abundance and success.
This shit is scary.
You wanna know why I don’t play full out sometimes?
- I am afraid to fail
- I am afraid to succeed
- I am afraid that if I do well, I then have to do even better…and I might not be able to uplevel again
- I am afraid I won’t like the new version of me
- I am afraid it will be too difficult
- I am afraid I will be attacked
- I am afraid I will lose it all and there will be an army of people waiting to laugh at me and tell me “Good, that’ll teach ya”
- I am afraid of other people seeing the effort it takes
- I am afraid that even with all of this ultimately I am unloveable and will end up alone
But these fears are bullshit constraints designed to keep me playing small.
They show up in the big stuff, but they show up in the day to day stuff too…even writing this blog post I hear those mind monkeys of “Who do you think you are Creffield?” and “Get back in your box”
But I’m done.
I am done with waiting for someone to give me permission. I am done with waiting for this magical moment where it feels like I have earned my dues. I am done with being afraid of stepping on other people’s toes…they are not even in the same space as me, so why is that even a thing?
We are each on our own journeys in business and in life, and yes we will always be connected to the people around us, both in our real-life environments and increasingly in the online world.
But none of it is real.
Everything we think we believe are just stories we have created. And we get to create new stories every flipping moment of our lives.
S|o as you set out in a new working week, a new month…ask yourself “Am I playing full out?” and if not commit to adding an extra 10% to your game. This isn’t about working longer hours or learning new things…it is just a case of being more fearless, and showing up more authentically as you.
You already know what it takes, you just need to stop caring so much about what other people think.
Who needs to read this today? Please share this. Save it. Re-read it on those days when you are questioning everything. I will too.
Julie Creffield is a serial entrepreneur, business strategist and single parent from East London. She is on a mission to help small business owners break free of the bullshit holding them back from finding true freedom in their business and their lives. This month she is running a productivity challenge called Do More Bits…and lookout later this month for an announcement about other ways to work with her.