Life can be hard sometimes.
Despite being better connected than we ever have been, there are still times when you simply feel completely alone.
I know I do.
Being a single parent, and a solopreneur gives me a double whammy of aloneness, especially when things don’t go to plan.
You can’t do everything by yourself though.
Especially not the tough stuff.
You have to ask for help, you have to build a support network to be there for when the shit does hit the fan.
Because it will.
I have been incredibly lucky to have made some amazing friends over the last few years who provide me with emotional and practical support, often from afar.
Yesterday I had a particularly challenging day, and the moment I reached out for support it was there.
I think when you run a business that involves supporting others, it’s even more important to have someone there to support you.
The best coaches, have coaches so the saying goes.
And I do.
I was incredibly lonely in my business until I started to invest properly in business coaches.
The benefits have been far-reaching, both in terms of profit but also improving other areas of life…including my health and wellbeing.
Sometimes we know what we need to do in life and in business, but the fear is so overwhelming that we just get paralyzed by it.
We don’t always need someone shouting “Just F’ing do it” down the phone, what we need most of the time is someone to simply hold our hand.
Did you know holding hands is actually good for us?
It has been proven to lower our stress levels, increase the love hormone oxytocin…and generally just reduce the fear and overwhelm so many of us encounter.
Who do you have in your life to hold your hand?
Are they able to hold it when you need them to?
Without judgement, without conditions?
Are they there through the good times and the bad times?
Can you count on them when it counts?
Today I signed up for another year of support from my business coach Gemma Went (check her out she’s bloody brilliant).
I signed up another brilliant 121 client yesterday who will be working with me for 6 months to help grow her own coaching business, and make things a bit easier in her life.
This evening at midnight the early bird price for the next round of my 12 week mastermind Living a Bigger Life Mastermind will finish, and next week the doors will close until 2019.
These things are very much interconnected, they feed into one another.
Its hard to find people to invest in you unless you are willing and able to invest properly in yourself.
And by investment, I mean allowing yourself to spend
On making things better for you.
Sometimes that feels a bit selfish, but a way of remembering just how important investing in yourself is asking yourself the question,
Who wins when I win?
Because, as women it is never wholly about us is it?
Our goals are often about providing more for our loved ones, and making the world a slightly better place to live in where we can too.
Support from like-minded women is always a huge part of my online coaching programmes, it always has been. So many of us feel alone in our struggles both in life and in business…and just having a safe space to share “our stuff” works wonders for being able to make sense of our lives.
A significant part of my life coaching work is around helping women to identify first what they want, and then to put a plan together to go on and achieve those things. I can’t really take credit for the incredible achievements they make, but I am there holding their hand the whole way through, even if for most of them I am hundreds of miles away.
Will you let me hold your hand over the next few months?
If you are interested in working with a life coach who is fantastic at both hand holding and butt-kicking this side of Christmas (sorry I said the C word) then you need to act fast. I have just 2 spots left to work 121 with women, and just 7 spaces left on the Living a Bigger Life group programme. Feel free to drop me a line firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions.
So it has been a whole week since my TEDx talk video about Living a Bigger Life went live on YouTube, you can watch it by clicking here if you haven’t seen it yet.
And here’s the thing.
I am super chuffed with how it has turned out, I think I came across as confident, knowledgeable and passionate about my subject
AND…I don’t completely hate how I look in the video…which is just as well because I talk a lot about not caring what you look like
We are not what we look like
But this is the irony of my work.
I believe 100% that we are held back as women because of the fear of judgment, and I am I guess more in tune with this than some, but I can’t kid you that I don’t have moments where I worry about what I look like and how people might judge me.
More than 1800 people have watched my video over the last 7 days and the feedback has been incredible, but I wanted to share with you some of the things you might not be able to tell from that 13-minute video.
- My rehearsal was shockingly bad.
- I didn’t stick to my script.
- I wasn’t wearing what I had planned to.
So, I found out I would be doing a TEDx months and months before the big day. The lead up is intense, and feels like it goes on FOREVER!!!!
When I submitted my proposal it was based on a very loose idea…that of,
If women are not playing sport because of the fear of judgement, what else are they not doing
I wasn’t 100% sure how I would fill 15-18 minutes….like clearly I can talk for that long, I am a professional keynote speaker for goodness sake, but it was more around what I would focus on. What I would include, what I would not…how much of myself I would bring to the talk.
I literally spent 3 months crafting that talk, writing and rewriting it….sharing it with valued colleagues for feedback.
But a few things happened in the last few weeks which forced me to change it in the final few days
- I went to a conference in San Diego with Lisa Nichols and learned some incredible things about creating impact through your speaking, by sharing your authentic story
- I launched a new online programme “100 Ways” which was going down a storm, I had also collated some new data from surveying 100+ women from this group
- I had some dental work which affected the way I spoke…like seriously there were some words from my original talk that I literally could not say any more
So when I turned up on the rehearsal the day before I felt completely underprepared as my talk had changed significantly from the previous one which had been just 2 or 3 weeks before.
I think to see the space adorned with its TEDx branding and the red-carpeted dot brought it home to me just how important this talk was.
So during the rehearsal, I tripped over my words, lost where I was in the talk…oh yeah and swore a lot
I went to sleep that night gutted with myself for not being better prepared.
But the following day I refocussed, and with eh support of one of my speaking buddies, I worked on the talk and did a whole heap of relaxation and visualisation techniques, to ensure I didn’t let the nerves get the better of me.
I was last on.
Which added even more pressure…save the best to last and all of that.
I had decided not to get into what I would be wearing until the last minute, just in case I spilled something on myself.
So with 30 minutes to go, I headed backstage and started getting ready. Hair, makeup, clothes…should have been the order, but I got dressed first and then started to do my make up….and much to my horror my foundation squirted onto my white short and all over my red jacket…I could have cried.
I had spent the best part of 3 months working out what to wear and in the last few minutes before going on stage I had to change it somewhat.
Luckily I had another white top with me, and baby wipes took most of the makeup off my jacket (as I didn’t have another one of those), in the end, I didn’t bother changing from my Primark jeans that I’d been wearing all day into my more expensive River Island ones…as I suddenly thought to myself,
This has happened for a reason…it shouldn’t matter what I wear on that stage I just need to show up as me
I stepped onto that stage after a very long day with the simple belief that what would be would be, like whatever I delivered on that stage would be enough.
The talk I give would be the talk I give
And I think that attitude served me well because no less than 3 minutes in I got completely lost in the script and jumped right the way to the end of the talk.
I could see the stage manager sitting with the script folder shaking her head like
Where the F is she going with this?
But it was OK.
I knew the talk well enough to bring it back. All those months of practicing meant I knew my content inside out, even if it wasn’t completely the order I wanted it to be in.
So there you have it.
It wasn’t perfect
But neither am I
Neither are you.
We don’t need to be perfect, we just need to show up as yourself.
That is enough.
I was enough.
You are enough.
If you have been inspired by my Living Bigger TEDx talk and would like to use the Living Bigger message to work on your own life goals, no matter how scary then give us a shout.
My next group programme starts on the 1st October you can find out more about it here