It has been a tough few weeks for me, and there are some big changes ahead.
Without going into too much of the detail I have decided it is time for me to sell up and leave London.
I know, shocking right?
If you know me you will know I am a London girl through and through, and I am extremely proud of my east end roots.
But it is time to go.
I have known it for a while, probably as much as 3 years when my relationship broke down and I was left to cover the bills by myself while raising my daughter.
I love my flat, I have lived here 10 years.
But I do want a slightly calmer existence, one where I have deeper connections with my neighbours and where my daughter will feel more settled and be able to have a safer more nurturing environment to grow.
So what has this got to do with fear?
Well…I am terrified.
I am scared of EVERYTHING
- Not getting a good deal on the sale of my flat
- Not choosing the right new location
- My daughter hating our new life
- Choosing the wrong property
- Not being able to afford a new property
- Being away from friends and family
- Not having any childcare
- My business breaking in the madness of the move
- Being judged for moving
- Being taken to court for moving
- Being harassed for moving
- Not making new friends
- Not finding places to exercise where I feel accepted
- Being lonely
- Oh yes…being lonely.
But do you know what?
I am doing it anyway because the only thing worse than fear?
Inaction, caused by fear that leads to anxiety, decision fatigue, and inertia….and the reality is if I had been brave enough to make the move 3 years ago I might not be in the mess I am in now, or would at least already be settled in my new life.
The pursuit of happiness, that’s what this is all about right?
Having hope that what you are striving for is worth the sacrifice, and will lead to greater peace of mind and ease in the long term.
Moving house, moving job, ending a relationship, starting a new one…all require us to be vulnerable and open to potential failure and heartache, but I believe it is only by being brave and opening ourselves up fully to potential pain that we can truly progress in life.
It is not fear that it is the enemy…it is our own lack of belief, lack of hope, lack of vision and lack of the trust required to make the jump…safety net or no safety net.
So my flat is going on the market, and I am embarking on a whole new adventure. So watch this space.
What else is going on with me?
Currently, I am working with 43 incredible women in my Living a Bigger Life Mastermind…ironically, this week we have all been talking about our fears, sharing them in the safe space of our closed Facebook Group and finding solutions to overcome them. I always say fear should be used as a barometer in life because often it is the only thing which truly wakes us up from our self and shows us the full possibilities of life.
Some of the comments the women have made in my group so far about fear include,
I fear writing posts here in case you all think I’m ridiculous. I am scared of over sharing and being vulnerable (even in such a safe place).
I’m fearful of having to face my fears and make the neccesary changes
I fear faliure
What if I can’t fit it all in and fall behind?
I worried about wasting my money on this course (I don’t think I have)
I worry people are judging me
Do you know the interesting thing which has come out of the group so far, just how similar our concerns are, and that we are not alone in our insecurities?
I know a lot of women have struggled a bit with being visible and vulnerable in the group, but equally some wonderful relationships are being created and great progress is being made in many of the women’s day to day life. Because funnily enough, despite me being all about Big Fat Stupid Goals and doing things on a massive scale, often it is the smallest of shifts which can make all the difference.
The best thing about the programme so far is that the women are showing up and staying in the room…which implies there is still hope (even alongside all of that fear)
The next Living a Bigger Life Mastermind cohort will take place later this year, but for those of you who are keen to start addressing some of these issues sooner, you can take part in a 10-week self-study version of the course for just £149, with the option of upgrading to the live version at a heavily reduced rate in May.